I just came back from clinic.Sorethroat since yesterday and now became flu then fever.Few red dots popping out on my hands.Doctor suspected that i infected by chickenpox.Ohhh nooo....I don't want get it!!!Anyhow,have to wait tomorrow see my body have any red dots symptom only can confirm am i infected by chickenpox.Lets pray hard for me it's just a normal sensitive symptom.
There's a place in the centre of this heart,
that yearns for a forlorn part,
in this world of tizzy plateaus,
of which has rendered me
powerless:
to stop its advancement
to prop myself aplomb
to make the worries fade away
when your heart beats
close to mine
There's a picture of my life
and there's yours
smacked in the middle,
encased by the invisible shell
that shields it from change
What happens
when the shell is removed
when all defenses are down?
the imperative that was
to chain down change
is unlocked and
rust eats into the metal frame
while colours fade away and
the paper that holds the memories itself crumbles
to ashes of the soon-to-be forgotten
as familiar faces turn into those of strangers
那一年默默无言
只能选择离开
无邪的笑容已经不再精彩
你害怕结局所以拼命伤害
说是我挡住你的美好未来
你坚决不希望我等待
我便默默的让你走开
如今你受了伤回来
叫我如何接受这安排
我难过的是放弃你放弃爱
放弃的梦被打碎忍住悲衮
我以为是成全
你却说你更不愉快
我难过的是忘了你忘了爱
尽全力忘记我们真心相爱
也忘了告诉你
失去的不能重来
Then again, all that's hidden beneath the canopy might not be as complicated as it seems. There's no reason to blame society in general as you can only point the finger at yourself for being an idiot.
I need to jump off a cliff that has some extra safety cushion at the bottom so the people who jump wouldn't die. Better still, throw away the cliff and its fall-breaker. Despite the fact that the virtual-world setting practically defeats the purpose itself, someone should just invent a virtual cliff especially for temporary psychos like me to jump. (so that the normal part of us won't wake up to blame our psychotic alter-ego)
So while I'm jumping off edges into the bottomless abyss below (all virtual of course), I think it should be for the best that I master the technique of talking to oneself, eat take-outs 24/7 and bury myself in the avalanche of delusion.
I need divine intervention (or equivalent). Heck, I'd settle with an insy wincy epiphany.
Only problem's that epiphanies just don't jump out of thin air simply because you want them to. OHHH NO, you have to go through all that deliberation and even with that, you need a spark to get the train of thoughts rolling.
So what now?
I'll try to figure that out while I continue to swim aimlessly in this murky pool of shit.
Such a long time since my last update.What can i say more? 3 words.
No mood to blog today and it's just a mess today.Screwed up everything.F**k!!!!!Went class for just 1 hour and screwed up all things.I remember MR Nelson told us this story during orientation weeks."A SHIT STORY".Finally now i can used it here.SHIT.A piece of SHIT.All about SHIT.Out of all peoples there why ME?Am i the special want or the odd want?Don't ever expected me to know EVERYTHING although i learnt or done before these.Just treat me like a normal person PLEASE.
I HAVE A HARD FEELING ON THIS.
Those who know what happened today will understand why i so emo now.
Ever had that strange feeling when you're near a fan that is spinning ferociously just inches away from your face? The feeling that comes in tandem with the muffled voice in your head that shouts for you to exemplify stupidity *of the highest order* as Mr R would add. (It just fascinates me that he's so attached to that phrase. I guess every one of us have phrases that we (somtimes unknowingly) "adopt" as our own favourite tagline to brandish whenever an opportunity arises. I find that reasons ranging from "thinking that this would sound cool" to "I just like the sound of it" are usually behind all this tag-line business.)
Another situation that bugs me is that when you're up on a multistory building and there's this balcony at the end. You lean on the balcony and look down. You feel (at least just a bit) intimidated by the height if you lean too much right? Well, I tend to go the extra mile by thinking about the eventualities that would unfold if I just push myself over. Picture the frightening fall... and..
*steps back from the balcony*
Ok...that's enough for all the crap.Hell,tomorrow only 1 hour of class from 8am to 9am.I should be happy but yet it's just waste my petrol for going so far and attend 1 hour of class.Fine fine fine....I know i shouldn't complaint much.
I shall retired to my bed now.Night.
Success, for me, at this point in time, refers to the pride in knowing that we have chipped in positively as a contributor.... which also include one important life element on which I have so far remained silent- Family and friends. The simple mother, the breadwinner, the good friends who keep us company and love us for who we are. They shouldn't be left out of the equation.
On a separate note, even the smartest, most farsighted person on earth cannot see the full picture of his/her future. The one and only way to find out is for us to
continue trudging, skipping, ambling and running along that unpredictable, ever-altering path towards the future while upholding the set of individual principles that sets us apart from the world and determines who we are.
Just finished typing my class name list.Anyways,a brand new weeks has started and for me was quite a hectic and busy weeks ahead.Last friday night my home streamyx was down and thank god it back in service on monday.Got selected as class secretary for a number of 75 students in class.That's mean i have lots work to be done by now.My brother got chicken pox and what best is i havent got mine YET!!!! I must stay away from him few miles now.Gosh...I realy don't hope i will get infected.
Learnt German today and it was fun and easier compare than French.I already make up my choice.I choose German.
Guten Tag ,wie ist Ihr name?
Guten Tag,mein name ist Elaine.
wie geht es ihnen?
Gut/Super/Es geht
Auf wiedersehen.
Goodbye.
Stay tune.More to come.('';)
My streamyx at home was down.Grrrr....damn frustrated and results that i cant online since last friday night.I have called them and complaint about the problem and hopefully my line will be back by tonight when i get home.**praying hard** Blogging now at college library.Class at 9am.
Got to go now.Will update soon.
wif 2 Xiong Di frm China
me and Nelson
all of us at PICCSometimes I get so tired. So tired of pretending that change doesn't matter anymore. Why does it have to?! Every grown man or woman can handle it, why can't I?
When I peer into the window of an ex-classmate's life, I see unknown faces, I see those slots once represented by some of us- even me- replaced by a stranger. Then the wave of melancholy. I cannot be a part of everyone's life. Lamenting about the 'could-be's and 'if's can only pull me deeper into this pit.
So what if I suck at dealing with friends. I lose some, I gain some. Ultimately, I'd HAVE to choose, to prioritize.
Funny,
that the ten year old Elaine was better at handling her friends than the current one.
Just got my timetable and it's SUCK.Next weeks onwards everyday class start at 8am until 5pm DAILY.Well have to adapt to it slowly.Praying hard that i can get some of the subjects exempted.Tomorrow have role play and need to be in college by 8am to meet up my group for rehearsal.Gosh i don't know what going to be like since it's so last minute work.Anyway,time to sleep then.
sweet dream pals.
Dahulu kau mencintaiku
Dahulu kau menginginkanku
Meskipun tak pernah ada jawabku
Tak berniat kau tinggalkan aku
Sekarang kau pergi menjauh
Sekarang kau tinggalkan aku
Disaat ku mulai mengharapkanmu
Dan kumohon maafkan aku
Aku menyesal tlah membuatmu menangis
Dan biarkan memilih yang lain
Tapi jangan pernah kau dustai takdirmu
Pasti itu terbaik untukmu
Janganlah lagi kau mengingatku kembali
Aku bukanlah untukmu
Meski ku memohon dan meminta hatimu
Jangan pernah tinggalkan dirinya
Untuk diriku
Sekarang kau pergi menjauh
Sekarang kau tinggalkan aku
Disaat ku mulai mengharapkanmu
Dan kumohon maafkan aku
Aku menyesal tlah membuatmu menangis
Dan biarkan memilih yang lain
Tapi jangan pernah kau dustai takdirmu
Pasti itu terbaik untukmu
Janganlah lagi kau mengingatku kembali
Aku bukanlah untukmu
Meski ku memohon dan meminta hatimu
Jangan pernah tinggalkan dirinya
Meski ku memohon dan meminta hatimu
Jangan pernah tinggalkan dirinya
Untuk diriku
I slept at 3am last night and woke up today with the moon still blazing through my window. Sensing something amiss, I reached over to my alarm clock and as I was trying to shake the sleep out of my head and make out the time (You know how your brain, when it comes to clocks - analogs- tend to take up a few seconds to register the time).
"SHOOT! fuckfuckfuckfuck.. It's 645am!" And i should ready to college and get out my house by 7am or the latest 7.30am to avoid the freaking long annoying traffic jam. Getting dressed and getting there would take another 1 hour. Ohhh DAMN >.< That's sure a hard time for me to get a "SAMAN-free parking" then.You know my college are such a "nice and big campus" and the parking lots inside the campus are very limited and we have to constanly spot any empty slot at the resident's area and just slot in whenever we can( you know WE Malaysian like to did that) and that the chance for the MPPJ to issue out their authority.
That's how my day started- A little sour, a little bitter plus a pinch guilt.
Anyhow, as I try to kickstart my day with tuna sandwich for breakfast at college food court, I realize that I should start getting some shuteye earlier rather than later. Sleeping at 3am, as is my wont nowadays; Being kicked out of dreamland by the my handphone's alarm, something I look forward to least everyday; "fishing" in class. All of em should STOP. And I know that I am the only one who holds the handbreaks to my own actions.Time to pull it.Seriously.
Today still was the orientation weeks and as usual listening to all the lecturer lecture and nagging us all the Do's and Dont's.Getting my student card done and i tell you the picture of mine taken its so ugly .I wonder how they actually can just snapped photo without adjusting the camera.(At least to the right angle please).Well,at least not mine only ugly as all my friends turn outs the same product and we're cursing the guy and woman who took the photo for us.(Please took out the camera manual and read it before taking any photo).grrrrr.....But we having a good time laughing at each other ID card.Haha...
The school had pick some seniors to bring us around the college for a tour in case we're "lost" in the college for this very first two weeks.Frankly speaking,the college wasn't THAT big until can get lost.But somehow we still need some time to adapt to the new environments.I believe as time goes on we were able to figure out each and every tiny thing in the college.Lets give myself a time period of 3 weeks.Yay...
My class were such a huge number of students.That's make me scared now.I duno the actual number of peoples but at least there were more than 60.Wow!!! I feel the pressure now.Phewww...
Hopefully tonight i can have a good sleep and looking forward to get my timetable tomorrow.
I don't get this thing called love.
I used to believe in it. Believe there is gonna be that feeling of care that would forever linger around you.
But....... movies and shows are confusing me.
How come they can deny love so easily? How come they can just put it off and just brush it off while continuing on with life as normal. I can't even sleep sometimes when I didn't tell my parents the truth~
So, maybe people are just always waiting for someone better to come along.
I just don't get it. How can you deny a feeling so strong?
Morning worlds.Yea,its Monday today and i know Monday blues.But we still got to continue our life right?So happy working and schooling guys and girls.
Going to class in a short while.
**grab car keys and wallet leave my room now.**
My way... Why is it so hard to do things my way? It should be easy. Easy as pie. It's the worlds simplest form of simplicity. Elementary and abecedarian-ism may need no more euphemism than what I've put forward to follow.Shutup and listen to your own mind before listening to others. Who's running this body anyways? Me or that persistent outsider other than myself.Books can be a nuisance too sometimes. The key is to take that particular type of books with a pinch of salt. You can't just change your view on something after just one book.My stand has to be stronger.
Anyways, I went out to Piramid yesterday with Pearly and Genevieve for lunch and sing-K at Redbox.We have our lunch at Dragon-I and its so freaking expensived and yet the food not realy nice compare to a normal coffee shop.They even charged a packet of wet tissue for RM1.What the hell.Well,nevermind that was my first time there.Nice experienced though.Well after a day at Piramid,i am officialy declared BROKE right now RM100 gone.**heartache**
Class start today i am so excited yet worry.Anyways,its late and have a nice week ahead.
**switch off light and crawling to my bed hugging my pillow**
Kenangan terindah
Aku yang rentan karena
Cinta yang t'lah hilang
Darimu yang mampu menyanjungku
Selama mata terbuka
Sampai jantung tak berdetak
Selama itu pun aku mampu
Untuk mengenangmu
Darimu kutemukan hidupku
Bagiku kaulah cinta sejati
Chorus :
Bila yang tertulis untukku
Adalah yang terbaik untukmu
Kan kujadikan kau
Kenangan yang terindah dalam hidupku
Namun takkan mudah bagiku
Meninggalkan jejak hidupku
Yang t'lah terukir abadi
Sebagai kenangan yang terindah
Darimu kutemukan hidupku
Bagiku kaulah cinta sejati
Chorus:
Bila yang tertulis untukku
Adalah yang terbaik untukmu
Kan kujadikan kau
Kenangan yang terindah dalam hidupku
Namun takkan mudah bagiku
Meninggalkan jejak hidupku
Yang t'lah terukir abadi
Sebagai kenangan yang terindah
YOU HAVE ONE LIFE.DO SOMETHING.
Come Walk In My Shoe
My life was traded by another
How I long to see my father and mother
Do you know what it's like to have your life sold?
Then contract HIV yet live on and be bold?
To hear my story means that you care
But to truly understand,you must walk with me there
Trade your life for mine,you have nothing to lose
Join the ONE LIFE REVOLUTION (OLR) come walk in my shoes
There are two stakeholders in this revolution
There is me : one life that needs resolution
And there is you : one life that can help mine
The revolution takes place when our plights combine
The OLR experience lets you truly see
What it's like to be trafficked and have HIV
I dare you to care,take my challenge if you choose
You will then understand as you'd have walked in my shoes
To tell ya the truth, I haven't been able to blog my heart out. The zealous, sentimental blogger has disappeared; and now in her place, a quotidian, almost robotic persona who posts just because she has to because she said that she would because she had nothing else to do because she is lazy. I'm not sure if it's even legal to use that many 'because'es in a sentence but If you are observant and just happen to be next to me right now, you can't miss the action in which I'm helplessly clutching at straws, trying to salvage as much of what I used to have. It just isn't right, feeling the knowledge gained and skills honed seep steadily out of my body.
A smart alec would probably say that I should be out there in the battlefield, putting right what I think is out of order instead of sulking and whining about how things are sliding down a spiral towards failure and self-destruction. She would also say that I'm wasting a precious friday night in front of the computer. Before you go on thinking along the same line as my imaginary smart alec- whom I suddenly have the urge to turn into a punching bag- I would like to, in the kindest fashion possible to mankind, halt you from doing so.
Why? Because I'm tired of being reminded that I'm an average in a society where average is almost as bad as below-average and only excellence is celebrated. Plus, there is also the fact that you can't be good at everything. You can love and be good at studies and sports at one point, but obviously, those two don't get along together in a career path prospective. That is why sometimes, it's fine to sit down, look at the bigger picture and whine about the wall of adversities you're facing while sulking at the open windows and doors you sacrificed for another opportunity.
I especially hate and detest that feeling of being left out of something you want to do, but having to give it up because there are options that outweigh it in terms of importance. And when I say "importance", it merely relates to "ensuring a brighter future" which also means "More MONEY". The same "important" tag that doesn't guarantee a happy lifetime ahead is sometimes overused, and thus, becomes the cause of many misjudgements. It is almost as if everything we do now is premised on financial stability and the conjecture that happiness is sure to come along with it. How many people out there can actually say with their heads held high that they chose what they truly love over what is "important"? How many can be good at all the things they love? I know I can't.
Hence, the sulking and whining.
Have a nice weekend, y'al!
Hey,
I'm Elaine and this would be my first post here on Elaine's Eternal Sunshine.
"what's with the name?", you may ask. If what you wanted to ask about was the blog's name, I gotta say that it wasn't planned as an "Operation Rescue the PM" might've been planned. It was kinda a spontaneous, first-name-that-pops-into-my-head thing.
As this is my first post here, you would think that it's in nature that I should start spilling everything about myself... Well, I'm gonna beg for your humble apologies here as I won't be doing that. What I'm going to do is: I will divulge the dull secrets of my life, background and history bit by bit through post like this one.
Posts would probably roll out on a weekly basis :P.. I can't spend my time blogging ALL the time, can I? (Just in case, that was a rhetorical question okaay -.-)
As for now, I'm glad I started this blog at long last. Lets get this blog rolling! Till then
*Yawwnn*
Nite world
